Pre - Op Day

Wow, today has been a roller coaster of emotions. I have had episodes were I’m very excited, and then I had feelings of apprehension and deep nervousness. I have asked myself today why I’m doing this!!! For some reason I have painted the worse scenario and I now keep having these awful images of me in so much pain and unable move.

Since I have made my final decision I have not wanted to talk about it, yet my husband has not stopped. I think he is more frightened than me.

To stop myself from going mental – I ensured that I was working today. The reason for this is, the busier I am the less nervous I would get – or so I thought... I kept making silly mistakes, and everyone at work thought I had lost the plot. I was so relieved to leave; I have booked two and half weeks off holiday to recuperate – heaven.

I attended a family party this evening, which in all honesty it has been a little difficult. Although, I decided a long time ago that I would not tell my father or my brothers I do feel a little guilty. I don’t think they would understand and I was not sure whether I could cope with their questioning that would follow. However, my sisters are a 100% behind me and they have been very supportive. There has been lots of eye contact at the party between myself, my sisters, husband and daughter – it looked liked we were all conspiring together LOL.

Well it is very late and I have to be at the hospital for 7am tomorrow. I’m the first one on the surgery list which I’m pleased about – I won’t have time to be nervous. I’m now too tired to write – it’s been a long day. The next time I write in this journal I will have my new breasts – hooray!!!!